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September 11th, 2002

on writer's blocks

Wow, I have so much to say and so much to remember about today, and what was going on a year ago, and how I felt about it then and how I feel remembering it now.

But I'm just not able to organize my thoughts well enough to form paragraphs. I don't know exactly what's wrong with me these days. I have a ton of things to do and none of it's getting done, even mowing my lawn is way overdue.

more on the sad irony

One year ago yesterday, Kate and Barry and I were well-settled into the big house on Block Island, where we were to get married on the 15th. There are several pictures of Kate and me lounging together in the cool hammock that was out behind the house, and of various other relaxing things. We were doing really well with the remains of wedding planning, so took some time off to go to the beach.

We had been worried about a hurricane that was vaguely headed towards the Ne England coasts, but heard that day that it was headed out to sea instead and wouldn't be a factor, so we checked that worry off the list. That night, Kate and I had kind of an intense almost-fight about what kinds of music to put on the play list for the reception. We eventually worked it out, and I distinctly remember saying "well, I hope that's the last snag we have." I get sickened and rageful recalling the bliss and happiness we were all feeling that day, how confident we were becoming that we'd thought of everything, that everything was going to work out, and that things were shaping up for the perfect beautiful wedding we imagined.

The next morning, the 11th, Kate woke up early and I could hear her downstairs straightening up the house because several other members of the wedding party were due to arrive. I let myself wake up slowly, marveling at yet another perfect cloudless day. I flipped on the radio, which was tuned to WCBS in New York (for some reason I always like to wake up to newsy radio stations).

Like so many other people, the full enormity of what happened took some time to sink in. I too assumed it was a small GA plane, that crashed by accident. But then the second plane hit, and the voices of the reporters appearing on the radio began to sound more urgent, the voices more high-pitched. Finally came the report that the first tower had collapsed, and I really just couldn't comprehend what that meant. I remember my eyes snapped open and for the first time I felt fear myself.

By this time Kate and Barry were also listening, and we were all looking at each other helplessly. They announced that all air traffic was being stopped, and it was only then that it dawned on me, our wedding was going to be considerably different than what we had been planning.

If we could pull it off at all.



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