Well, I've apparently sunk to a new low... my group's secretary just caught up to me and said "Beth [my boss] asked me to get a copy of this to you." Then she handed me my very own personal copy of "Understanding Recruiting and Employment at the University of Illinois".
Yay for Human Resources Bureaucracy.
Also, today I had the most unsatisfying and unsuccessful present-shopping trip ever. Why did I expect any place in Campustown would have anything I wanted to get?