November 13th, 2006


"Playing Possum" -or- Get the Fuck Out of My Yard

Last night I sleepily let Ajay out the back door to take his pre-bed bathroom break. He surprised me by BOLTING out the door, and in a flash was on some white creature in the back yard. He had it by the neck, so I grabbed him away before he could hurt it. My first thought was cat, but it was just sort of lying there, and I well know that a cat would have put up a fight. What the hell was this thing?

Even after I got Ajay off of it, it continued to lie motionless in the grass for some time, and it finally dawned on me.... oh, it's playing POSSUM! The problem now was how to get the ugly-ass little marsupial out of my yard so Ajay would do his business and I could let him back in and go to bed. Poking at it with a stick didn't work, obviously, and I was momentarily at a loss.

Finally, I hit upon the trash can I use to transport yard waste to the brush pile. Due to a fit of sloth on my part, it had been sitting in the middle of the yard gathering rainwater for a couple of weeks, so not knowing what else to do I dragged it over to the motionless opossum and unceremoniously dumped the contents onto it. It responded by slowly getting up, glaring at me, and ambling out of the yard, disappearing into the bushes into the next yard over. Then Ajay was able to complete his task without further distraction.

I'll probably go to hell for it, but watching that pissed off, soaking wet thing slink out of the yard made me laugh and laugh. Honest! I had no idea how to get rid of it otherwise without hurting it!!

"An Opassom hath an head like a Swine, and a taile like a Rat, and is of the bigness of a Cat. Under her belly she hath a bagge, wherein shee lodgeth, carrieth, and suckleth her young." —John Smith, 1612

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